530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?