530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.

Children make your life important.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

At some point in your life, if you're lucky, you throw practicality to the wind and start living.

If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.