530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.

I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.

Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were raising their own children. And they can glow in the realisation that here is their seed of life that will harvest generations to come.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?