530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.

Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.