530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night ...

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It’s all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.

Family life got better and we got our car back – as soon as we put ‘I love Mom’ on the license plate.

Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.

Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met.

I didn’t fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.