530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.

There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

I’ve always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, “Where did I come from, Mommy?” They will range from “Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York,” to “You were defrosted.”

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.

Myths that need clarification: “Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach.” False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.

Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, ‘No thank you’ to desert that night. And for what?!