530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

When you’re an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.

I’ve always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...

A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates.

She’s as funny as a toothache.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.

I’m on a diet as my skin doesn’t fit me anymore.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.