530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

I brought children into this lousy, mixed-up world because when you love someone and they love you back, the world doesn’t look that lousy or seem that mixed up.

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy’s little boy becomes Mommy’s little boy, the kid is so wet he’s treading water.

Mother’s words of wisdom: Answer me! Don’t talk with food in your mouth!

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I’ve ever seen that I didn’t have to clean.

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can’t pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, “Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You’re not out of it until the computer says you’re out of it.

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.