530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

When a man’s got cream in the refrigerator at home, he won’t go out looking for two-percent butterfat.

Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn’t want our daughter to marry one.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.

Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.

The bad times I can handle. It’s the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can’t make it stay awake.