530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It’s like stealing a two-year-old.

I think it’s time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don’t have room to carry their own toys, if men don’t have pockets in their pants, tougho.

It would have been a wonderful wedding – had it not been mine.

Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.