530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

One son appears in stereo – a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other...

I don’t know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

When humor go’s, there go’s civilization.

There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

I don’t think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.