530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.

What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.

Hello there. I’m out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you’re anybody, I’ll get back to you.

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won’t open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I’ll show you an orphan.

The term ‘working mother’ is redundant.

Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn’t show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.