530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years."

It is not until you become a mother than your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain loving one another.

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of surprises.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory— an empty bottle of gin.