530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

The day of worship would be Monday, what else?

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

What if they mispronounce my last name and everyone laughs? What if my teacher doesn't make her D's like Mom taught me? What if I spend the whole day without a friend?

Sex is only a three-letter word so how can it be dirty?

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall, hurt, and fail.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.