530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Graduation day is tough for adults.They go to the ceremony as parents.They come home as contemporaries.After twenty-two years of child-raising,they are unemployed.

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4th, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.'

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" It's a mere formality. It doesn't matter is you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with the car battery.

My children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV.

No doubt about it... every day in every way my game grows stronger. I saw one enthusiast the other day playing with his racket out of the press. I'll have to try that.