579 Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

Sarcasm: what they have in New York instead of jacuzzis.

I drove a cab. But all the girls I knew when I was young who had to work – there were rich girls – but the ones who had to work were waitresses. Because you could always get shifts in a restaurant.

I’d like to decide who comes here. I’d like to be the admissions director of New York.

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type.

When I was young, I liked romance. But to me, romance is the opposite of domestic life. I just don’t want anyone in the apartment, not for longer than a few hours.

When Toni Morrison said ‘write the book you want to read,’ she didn’t mean everybody.

Ever since I was a little child, I refused to see movies of books that I loved. Because you already know what Heidi looks like and she doesn’t look like Shirley Temple.

Wondered briefly why listings always specify wood-burning fireplaces. Decided that considering the prices they’re asking, it’s probably just a warning device for those who might otherwise figure what the hell, and just burn money.

I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It’s not my preference, but it is my lot in life.