579 Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

I open the refrigerator. I decide against the half a lemon and jar of Gulden’s mustard and on the spur of the moment choose instead to have breakfast out. I guess that’s just the kind of girl I am – whimsical. 5:10.

Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.

Almost immediately upon entering the thirteenth year of life, a chubby little child becomes a big fat girl, and a boy previously spoken of as “small for his age” finds that he is, in reality, a boy who is short.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

If I wished to be awakened by Stevie Wonder, I would sleep with Stevie Wonder.

Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. I love to smoke. Smoking is fun. Smoking is cool. Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. It makes growing up genuinely worthwhile.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

In New York it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you lay the blame.