579 Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

I have a real aversion to machines. I write with a pen. Then I read it to someone who writes it onto the computer. What are those computer letters made of anyway? Light? Too insubstantial. Paper, you can feel it. A pen. There's a connection. A pen goes exactly at your speed, whereas that machine jumps. And then, that machine is waiting for you, just humming "uh-huh, yes?

You don't have to lay an egg to know if it tastes good.

Do not approach with anything even resembling assurance a restaurant that moves.

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeeddisheartening, particularly when you've ordered scrambled eggs.