524 Quotes by Frank Zappa

You're baloney without the mayo.

I'm the best you can get. Have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozin' out from your TV set!

As far as rearing children goes, the basic idea I try to keep in mind is that a child is a person. Just because they happen to be a little shorter than you doesn't mean they are dumber than you.

If you pick up a guitar and it says, 'take me, I'm yours,' then that's the one for you

It would be easier to pay off the national debt overnight than to neutralise the long-range effects of our national stupidity

The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.

The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business

Weedly-weedly-wee, make a face, hold your guitar like it's your weenie, point it heavenward, and look like you're really doing something. Then, you get a big ovation while the smoke bombs go off, and the motorized lights in your truss twirl around.

The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. You eat this apple, you're going to be as smart as God. We can't have that.