524 Quotes by Frank Zappa

Two things are universal: Hydrogen and stupidity

Believe it or not, there are places in the world where music is important. There are places in the world where all the arts are a matter of national pride.

Anybody hear the great news, today? Jimmy Swaggart under investigation! Oh Ja-eezus! One day every one of those cocksuckers will get caught! I understand in the case of Mr. Swaggart, that he claims that it was not multiple encounters with many prostitutes - apparently, only one sweet young thing. And he did tell Cal Thomas of the Moral Majority that the sex act itself was not fully consumated. However he did admit to doing something por-no-graphic with the girl. Let's use our imaginations, ladies and gentlemen.

Gave my money all to you, took my watch and pawned it, too.

I think you should leave it up to the parent, because not all parents want to keep their children totally ignorant.

Find her, blind her, see who designed her. Act like a dummy until you grind her.

Why doncha come on over to the house and I'll show 'em to ya?

I'll give you a simple formula for straightening out the problems of the United States. First, you tax the churches. You take the tax off of capital gains and the tax off of savings. You decriminalize all and tax them same way as you do alcohol. You decriminalize . You make gambling legal. That will put the budget back on the road to recovery, and you'll have plenty of tax revenue coming in for all of your social programs, and to run the army.

So much gets lost in the translation. Even if you sat there listening to it with a microscope, there's no way you're gonna find out what it means.