1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Life is sacred"? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! Has been for thousands of years! Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians; all taking turns killing each other because God told 'em it was a good idea.

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this... my reason is one that you may share, possibly. I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit.

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom

Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.

My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!