1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared good and friendly, and all that. But I was a problem. I was a street kid.

We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.

My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'

Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.

If a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've had enough.

I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.

War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.