1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It’s not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.

I think it’s important to break taboos for the same reason it’s important to break laws and rules – because either you’re a slave to them, or you’re taking matters into your hands.

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.

If this is the best God can do, I’m not impressed.

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can’t say it the other way around.

I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ’s.

When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not agnostic. I’m an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.

I’ve never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.