1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

So I live in Los Angeles, and it’s kind of a goofy place. They have an airport named after John Wayne. That ought to explain it. It has a charming kind of superstitious innocence.

A crazy person doesn’t really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.

Running isn’t a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can’t be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don’t see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.

There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

Voting is a meaningless exercise. I’m not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don’t. Everything is done to you in this country.

When someone is impatient and says, ‘I haven’t got all day,’ I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it’s not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You’re collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice.

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you’re not dead yet.