1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: ‘I’m such a klutz!’ But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things – bad language and whatever – it’s all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don’t mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere.

The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are.

Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason.