1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.

My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me.

Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn’t work.

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts – it’s a vulgar art, it’s one of the people’s arts, it’s the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form – it’s certainly artistry.

I was kind of sweet kid, according my mother, and my recollections. Thoughtful and good, but kind of alone – although I didn’t interpret it that way, as such. Children never interpret these things. They think they understand logically.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn’t you? “Would you like some breadsticks?” “No, thank you, I don’t play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I’ll have a drum roll.”

Think off center.