1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It’s a shame everything has to have a label.

I don’t consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist.

I hope we’re not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn’t only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you’re burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. it’s only a symbol. It’s only a piece of cloth.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

Think off-center.

To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for theexistence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably farmore. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless tapedand filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over theworld, along with documented radar evidence seen by experiencedmilitary and civilian radar operators.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that.

And he won't be allowed to play dodgeball because it's exclusionary, and it promotes aggression. Standing around is still okay.