1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.

It's a "keep your fingers crossed" business, the entertainment business.

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.