1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.

There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.

All patriarchal societies are either preparing for war, at war, or recovering from war.

As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.

Jesus was a cross-dresser.

I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.

People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.