1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off.

Your home is your refuge.

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.