1,246 Quotes by George Carlin
- Author George Carlin
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No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It's certainly not a judgmental entity. It's certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God.
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- Author George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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- Author George Carlin
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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- Author George Carlin
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Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids today", all those old-fashioned themes - or, if it's deeper, and somewhat more thoughtful, about social imbalance and inequities, and the folly of human behavior. It's usually a complaint.
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- Author George Carlin
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They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.
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- Author George Carlin
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"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass."
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- Author George Carlin
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I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.
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- Author George Carlin
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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- Author George Carlin
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Grass [marijuana] probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. But, on the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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