1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.

You never see a smiling runner.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think that's in the cards through political action. I think bloodshed is still the way you get dramatic change. That'll never happen because they've got all the guns now. At least they've got the nice guns, the big ones, the ones with night vision.