1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic.

I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.

Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards

If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.

Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.