1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens.. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.

Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere

That's really a part of my nature , it goes along with autonomy and independence of action - it's just that I don't identify with the local group, no matter what it is, whether it's the human species or the American democracy, the nation, the country, religions, political parties, nothing. None of these have my allegiance because I'm not really concerned with what they do. I don't feel a part of any of this.

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?

In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.

Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.

Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!