1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.

To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably far more. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>

When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.

All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.

Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

Hooray for most things!

When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to.

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.