1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I don't understand the problem with paroling Charles Manson? I say set him free and let him get on with his work. I have a long list of celebrities I'd be glad to share with him.

I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.

We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.

McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.

There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!

Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.

With humans it's abortion, but with chickens it's an omelet.

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!