1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

We created god in our own image and likeness!

I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.

In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself.