1,246 Quotes by George Carlin
- Author George Carlin
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Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
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- Author George Carlin
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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If you had chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?
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When you start in the childhood period, when you begin to form a comic sense, it was the radio comedians - from the last days of radio and the first days of television. And Spike Jones. And the Marx Brothers. They represented anarchy. They took things that were nice and decent and proper, and they tore them to shreds. That attracted me.
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Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are.
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Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
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