1,246 Quotes by George Carlin


  • Author George Carlin
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    We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!

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  • Author George Carlin
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    If you had chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?

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  • Author George Carlin
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    When you start in the childhood period, when you begin to form a comic sense, it was the radio comedians - from the last days of radio and the first days of television. And Spike Jones. And the Marx Brothers. They represented anarchy. They took things that were nice and decent and proper, and they tore them to shreds. That attracted me.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

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