1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?

Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.

No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.

As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.

Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell"

It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?

The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.

That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved of." That's basically what you're after. "Give me attention, give me applause, give me an audience. A. A. A. Straight As." That's all you're looking for.