1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

  • Author George Carlin
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    I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?

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  • Author George Carlin
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    Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?

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  • Author George Carlin
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    We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations are final. That's what it means. Destiny: final. If you haven't gotten where you're going, you aren't there yet.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.

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  • Author George Carlin
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    One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

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