1,246 Quotes by George Carlin
- Author George Carlin
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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- Author George Carlin
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?
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- Author George Carlin
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We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations are final. That's what it means. Destiny: final. If you haven't gotten where you're going, you aren't there yet.
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- Author George Carlin
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If you're looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else?
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- Author George Carlin
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One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people
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- Author George Carlin
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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- Author George Carlin
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Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
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- Author George Carlin
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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- Author George Carlin
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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