149 Quotes by George Lopez

Y’know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I’d go to church every Sunday.

Marijuana brownies are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in with the butter. I don’t know who came up with this idea first, but it’s sheer genius.

It’s good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and it gets in your clothes. You go, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ ‘I don’t know, honey, how about something menthol?’

As long as you’re a tax deduction, you’ll always be safe in my house.

We’re Mexi-cans not Mexi-can’ts.

No Angie, it’s instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you’re laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

I didn’t come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.

It’s a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.

I’ve spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.