143 Quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

You never know what people will choose to be offended by.

I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean?

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.