143 Quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

I found out about Jonathan Winters' death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashian's divorce before she did.

I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.