277 Quotes by Greg Behrendt

Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.

If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.

How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front of my face and I think you're doing a trick, I'm easily impressed. If you pull a quarter out of my ear, I'm quite certain you're a wizard. But I don't like the way most magicians don't act like they're magical; they act like show business dicks.