277 Quotes by Greg Behrendt

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

Always be classy. Never be crazy.

Don't waste the pretty

Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.

Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.