277 Quotes by Greg Behrendt

Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.

But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation

I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.