277 Quotes by Greg Behrendt

I’m going to just tell them now that I love them, blow them in the bathroom or whatever impulsive thing that you know you shouldn’t do, because that will either make him want to be with me more or bail, but at least I’ll know now!

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume – ’cause if you’ve manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don’t grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

I don’t have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that’s ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.

The historical resentments and patterns that can demolish a marriage usually start out as something seemingly unimportant. An assumption here. An accommodation there. An omission, an unclear boundary, a selfish act, an inconsideration, etc. These little things, these seemingly tiny tremors, have a rolling aftershock that can gain significant magnitude over time.

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he’s getting on with his life without you?

Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

My wife’s beautiful. That’s why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

Most people don’t want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.