316 Quotes by Greg Gutfeld

But without most of the stuff I just listed above, Whole Foods would not exist. That organic food didn’t arrive on the store shelves via an incredibly disciplined group of storks. I’ve seen the semis out in front and they don’t harness the power of yoga and haikus.

Cool is a weapon created by creeps to obliterate the morals that good parents instill in their children.

If you’re a Republican and rich, that’s evil. But if you’re a Democrat and rich, that’s great.

A funny thing about tolerant people? They’re really only tolerant when you agree with them.

I guess if your heart’s in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.

When someone in power declares that something is broken that means it’s actually fine. What they’re really saying is, “Let’s change this so I like it and ruin it.” Nothing is ever broken.

Imagine if all girls called a moratorium on cool. How amazing would it be for women to stop demeaning themselves with morose jerks and actually demand decent guys. Maybe the best tip is this: Treat every day as though you’re preparing for the prom. If it doesn’t meet your expectations, make other plans. I’m free most weekends.

Ask dumb questions and listen quietly for the answers. That’s a wisdom stair climber.

The joy of hate reflects people who get off pretending to hate something, or hate you, in order to score political points. I call them the ‘tolerati’ – you know, a group of people who claim to be tolerant, except when they run into someone who disagrees with them.