316 Quotes by Greg Gutfeld

When you have a TV show or when you are running a magazine, you have to remember that your audience isn’t rich. They’re not made of money.

People ask me what I am politically and I’ve previously offered this equation: I became a conservative by being around liberals. And I became a libertarian after being around conservatives.

The problem with legalization is we already have a dependent generation that’s subsidized to oblivion. And will legal pot somehow slice another sliver of the population off of the productive world?

I don’t like the way my hair looks, so we’re going to do the whole show over.

Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls.

I haven’t used that word since I was 7 years old. I don’t understand Donald Trump.

Good parenting, from my perspective, is like building a three-foot retaining wall against a four-foot wave. The kids have to make up that extra foot. That wave wants to drag them into an undertow where sound judgment is suspended, where the valueless, uncaring, and ultimately nihilistic cool reigns.

We’re already going down that path with illegal drug use and incarceration. I can’t imagine it getting any worse.

Over the long term, symbolic attempts at appearing cool end up replacing honest charity that actually helps people. In most cases, social consciousness, really, is a simplistic strategy to mask a lazy intellect and fulfill a desperate need for attention.