316 Quotes by Greg Gutfeld

I don’t understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It’s time to embrace the metric system.

Hollywood’s schizophrenia over guns is matched only by their attitude toward taxes. Ever wonder why they film in Vancouver so often? It ain’t for the beaches, I can tell you.

There’s an argument that celebrities stop growing mentally the moment they reach stardom and then they just – everything goes away. I think that’s true.

I’m sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power.

Planned Parenthood’s entire existence is basically based on keeping people in the dark through euphemism. You don’t call it genocide, you call it reproductive health. So that’s why Planned Parenthood has – nobody really thought.

Fact is, the desperate desire to be cool has skewed our culture toward nihilism, carelessness, and ineptitude. It is now cool to be an idiot. A jackass. It’s cool to be a failure, as long as your failure is the basis for a reality show.

It’s important not just to confirm normal, commonsense assumptions, but to actually convert the uncertain. To win over those who want to be won over, and sharpen the spear of facts and puncture the flatulent balloon of sanctimonious outrage. We better find them, soon, before America turns into one giant daycare center for dipshits.

You can’t get more racist than hating black conservatives just because they’re black.

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Nor does it ever last as long as you think.